Most brides acknowledge their appreciation for all the hard work of their bridesmaids by giving them each a special gift. Grooms should likewise thank their groomsmen. A small, personal token of appreciation goes a long way in making them feel wanted and valued. You may choose to get the same gift for each man, perhaps personalising it by engraving his initials onto it. Alternatively, you can get each groomsman a unique gift that you know will be meaningful to him. Just be sure that each is of a similar monetary value so that no one feels more or less appreciated than another.

Men are notoriously difficult to shop for. However, as a guy, you should have a deeper insight into the mysteries of ‘man shopping’ and, coupled with the fact that you know the likes and dislikes of your groomsmen, this process should be easier for you. Still, here are some suggestions to make this task a little less stressful:

• A pocket knife
• A pocket multi-tool (the more gadgets, the better)
• A bottle opener (this can be classically stylish or a little more gimmicky, but always of a good quality)
• A stylish wristwatch
• Personalised cufflinks (these are fabulous gifts and can be given to your groomsmen to wear with their wedding attire. Engrave them for that extra touch)
• A money clip
• A pewter or silver lighter
• A fountain pen (engraved with his initials)
• A chic business card holder
• A leather wallet
• A personalised beer mug or a set of stylish shot glasses
• A bottle of his favourite whisky, brandy or special liqueur (try to have personalised labels made for a unique touch)
• Golf clubs and other equipment
• A fishing rod and fly fishing lures
• Camping equipment
• Binoculars
• A digital camera
• Two tickets to a big rugby, football or cricket match
• If your groomsmen are made up of a groups of particularly enthusiastic sports fans, give them each jerseys, beanies, mugs or towels branded with their favourite team’s logo

Alternatively, a great way to thank your groomsmen (and to reassure them that you will still have time for them after the ball is firmly chained to your ankle) is to organise a relaxing boys’ weekend or adventure once you return from honeymoon. This could be a weekend at a Casino, a fishing expedition or hike through the mountains. Even a concert or big sporting event can convey your appreciation (assuming that all of the groomsmen are fans of the same things).

The point of groomsmen gifts is to let these guys know that you appreciate their effort and that it meant a lot to you to have them be such a big part of your important day. So, rather than getting carried away with expensive gifts or outlandish trips, the most important thing is to make sure that these gifts are sincere and motivated by real gratitude.

Choosing your best man and / or groomsmen is a big job, one that is not always as easy as you may have expected. By choosing these men to share your big day with you, you are implying that they play a significant and important role in your life; that they are special to you.

Before making any decisions, sit with your bride-to-be and discuss her expectations, wedding plans and personal opinions. You will need to agree on the number of groomsmen (which usually needs to be the same number as her bridesmaids) and who she feels comfortable with. Try and be understanding and flexible, within reason.

If you have a brother, it is expected that he will definitely be part of the wedding party (usually your best man). If you have more than one brother, it is reasonable to make them both or all best men with equal responsibility and honour. If your fiancé has brothers, it is generally considered proper to include them in your group of groomsmen too. This shows that you accept them as part of your new extended family and want them to play an important role in your wedding day. However, this needs to be discussed with your fiancé too, as family politics may dictate otherwise.

If you are able to have friends as your best men or groomsmen, it is usually one or two lifelong buddies that crack the nod. These ones should know you well and have a significant history with you (such as an old housemate from your university days).

You may find that have enough men in your wedding party but still have close friends that you would like to include. If this is the case, it is perfectly acceptable to have the surplus as ushers. In this way, they feel special and involved and are also able to assist you on the day. Ushers are especially popular when they are younger. So, this is the perfect role for baby brothers or cousins and nephews.

Whoever you choose needs to be fairly responsible, with the time and ability to carry out specific tasks, such as collecting tuxedos, keeping the rings safe until the wedding ceremony, and so on. You must also be able to trust that they will deliver a tasteful and appropriate speech at the reception without rehashing your previous bad choices and nutty exes. They need to know you well enough to be able to surprise you with the perfect bachelor party, mention things about you and your bride in the speeches that are both true and complimentary and mingle with your guests. You also need to be able to trust that they will take this responsibility seriously, not getting drunk before the speeches or pinching you grandmother’s bottom.

Most of all, these men need to be your pillar of support during any moments of nerves and emotion. You need to be able to trust them and communicate openly with them. Finding a group of guys that fulfils these requirements will prove invaluable to any groom-to-be and is sure to make this event all the more memorable.

Photo Credit: Funny Wedding Photos

In terms of age or profile, there are no limitations to who the groomsmen can be. In fact, it is even becoming more and more acceptable to have female groomsmen (groomswomen?).  Once your desired groomsmen have agreed to be such at your wedding day, make sure that you have informed them fully of their responsibilities. They should feel comfortable to approach you or your fiancé with questions or concerns and should all be given tasks that are well within their capabilities.

When grooming your groomsmen, include the following responsibilities so that they are acutely aware of their part in your wedding:

• Ensure that he is present for suit fittings.
• Collect the suit before the wedding and return it afterwards (he needs to be responsible for this himself).
• Help to plan the bachelor party or stag night. This will include financial contributions and / or the offering of a suitable venue or service.
• Buy the bride and groom a wedding gift, just like other wedding guests.
• Attend all pre-wedding events, including the rehearsal and stag night or bachelor party.
• Help the Best Man to perform any of his duties, if necessary.
• Welcome the guests politely to the wedding ceremony.
• Usher guests to their seats (always take the lady by the arm and lead her and her partner to their seats).
• Walk a bridesmaid down the aisle ahead of the bride.
• Make themselves aware of fire exits, emergency procedures, toilets, and so on, so that they are able to help the guests needing this information.
• May be required to give a speech if the Best Man is not, for some reason, fulfilling this task.
• Dance with the bridesmaids, mothers and bride, and encourage the other guests to dance.
• Decorate the bridal car with streamers, shaving foam, and so on (check with the groom well ahead of time if this is acceptable!)

For this reason, services such as www.themanregistry.com are becoming increasingly popular. On here, guests and family members can find thousands of gifts that are ideal for men. In addition, the groom can set up his own registry of gifts that he would like to receive, making it even easier for his friends and family to get him something really special.

Men are notoriously difficult to shop for. While scouring the seemingly-endless list of options for prospective husbands, we found the following items that are guaranteed to get him smiling from ear to ear:

1. An all-in-one egg cooker, muffin maker and toaster – one machine to make his whole breakfast!
2. A cocktail-making kit, complete with a mixer and recipe book
3. A stainless steel barbecue kit (tongs, grid, gloves, apron and so on)
4. A cookbook especially for him (although these usually contain barbecue recipes, guests will need to know the groom and his preferences before deciding on the particular style of cookbook for him)
5. A Weber
6. A voucher for a camping store or a clothing outlet for men
7. An outdoor grill (gas or barbecue – men love standing around the grill while sipping on a cold beer and chatting to the guys)
8. A Leatherman or pocket knife (the more gadgets on it, the better)
9. Camping equipment (sleeping bags, battery-powered lights, cooler boxes, etc…)
10. Leather barbecue gloves
11. A GPS (Global Positioning System – we know how men ‘love’ to ask for directions)
12. Fish-filleting knives (especially if he catches his own fish)
13. A torch
14. A generator
15. A hammock (there are ones that need to be hung as well as hammocks that have their own stand, meaning that they are portable and convenient)
16. Gimmicky beer mugs (these may have funny sayings on them or have a 1-litre capacity, for example)
17. A digital camera or video camera
18. A good-quality poker set
19. A bar fridge (of course, a well-stocked bar fridge is even better)
20. Stylish car seat covers
21. A comprehensive home improvement book
22. Fishing rods
23. Designer cuff links
24. Xbox / Playstation / Wii games (find out what he likes by asking his friends or future wife)
25. A biltong slicer
26. A kitchen knife set (if he enjoys cooking)
27. A personal breathalyser kit so that he can ascertain his alcohol levels before getting in the car
28. Hydration bags for avid cyclists / sportsmen
29. Binoculars
30. Golf clubs, equipment or gimmicks
31. Power tools
32. An old-fashioned / vintage popcorn maker
33. An MP3 player or iPod
34. A bar table and chairs (if he is planning on having his own bar area)
35. A luxurious bathrobe and slippers (this is something men are not likely to buy themselves, but will always enjoy)

Photo Courtesy of Surplus & Outdoors

The symptoms of a groomzilla should not be confused with the normal pre-wedding jitters or the response to the added stresses of finances, family issues, and so on. Rather, a groomzilla can be identified by his overly pedantic attitude towards every element of the wedding day, from wanting to choose the entire playlist to throwing a tantrum over the phyllo basket starters. It is also likely that you will begin to get complaints from your bridesmaids, who feel robbed of their usual responsibilities because he is taking over all of them.

There are several possible causes for his newly acquired condition:

• The stress of the imminent commitment
• Money matters (the prospect of paying for a wedding, honeymoon and, perhaps, a new home can take its toll)
• He may not completely trust that you and your bridesmaids are able to organise such a large event
• Your partner could be concerned that his wedding will not fulfil the expectations of his friends and / or family
• If you accused him of not being interested enough in the wedding in the early part of your engagement, he may feel that it is necessary to make up for it

By understanding the motivation behind his panicked efforts, you are better equipped to handle the situation.

Communication is always necessary and a groomzilla situation is no exception. Sit down with him privately and when you are both relaxed and have a gentle, but honest conversation about your concerns. Do not throw insults and accusations, but point out occasions when he has been unreasonable or unpleasant. Assure him that you are very excited about the wedding and that you want it to be something both of you will enjoy and remember for the rest of your lives.

If this conversation does not work, do not give up. Have another, firmer discussion with him and let him know that he is upsetting others (whether they are the bridesmaids or your service providers). If he is undergoing massive amounts of stress, it might be necessary to consider postponing the wedding until he can cope with it. It is not worth having such an expensive celebration if you cannot both enjoy it.

Another way of easing the effects of a groomzilla is to assign one or two specific tasks to him, allowing him to focus on these and let you and your girls get on with the rest. He might enjoy planning the transport, officiant and honeymoon by himself, for example. However, if he has already displayed traits of a groomzilla, it will be necessary for you to keep tabs on what he is doing, so that he does not get carried away. Because women are generally more emotional than their male counterparts, it is wise to handle the bridesmaids, maids of honour and mothers yourself.

Try to see his enthusiasm as a good indication of his excitement to be spending his life with you, and not as something overly negative. Encourage him and show your appreciation in areas where he has been of assistance. This is, after all, his big day too; so dignify him with the respect and love that he deserves during this hectic, exciting time.

Photo Courtesy of Simon Schluter

It is important that the groomsmen are made aware of your appreciation for their participation in this event, but that they are also able to enjoy their gift at their leisure. Towels are popular choices for gifts, as they are something that men tend not to spend their own money on, but that most enjoy when luxurious and tasteful. Remember to choose more masculine colours and patterning. Also appropriate are stylish shaving kits, formal ties (but not hankies or socks!), and tasteful aftershaves.

While these have earned their status as being popular because they are useful and relatively well-received by men across the board, they are not very original. Therefore, if you know each of your groomsmen well, and with some heartfelt input from the groom, you can use insight and initiative to get each groomsman a personal gift that can be enjoyed and appreciated in the spirit in which it was given. Tickets to watch his favourite rugby team or vouchers for a clothing shop he favours reflect your knowledge of his personal tastes, as would a contribution to his kitchen or garage that he would, perhaps, not have bought himself.

A fantastic way to thank the groomsmen is to sponsor a boy’s weekend away for all of the groomsmen and the groom himself. A hunting / surfing / fishing weekend away from the hustle and bustle that defines the life of many bachelors may be exactly what they need to relax and remember the important things in life with their closest friends and, perhaps, family. Being a brand new wife, you may be hesitant to lose your husband to a “boy’s weekend”. Use this opportunity to spoil yourself and your girl friends with spa treatments and DVD’s, while the men enjoy an important treat.

There is usually not the expectation among groomsmen to receive a gift after their contribution to your wedding day. If you ensure that their gift is heartfelt and personally relevant, they will likely treasure the event as an unforgettable memory as they appreciate the true value of their friendship with the groom and his new partner in life.

For most men, colours and textures are not at the top of their list of priorities when selecting a tuxedo for their wedding day. Your duty will be to respect and support the bride’s requests and colour scheme and to ensure that you and the groom are appropriately donned on the day. As you both step out of the changing rooms in powder blue cravats with floral embossing, your role of being the supporting friend will be especially appreciated.

It is also imperative that you attend all pre-wedding events and parties with the groom, so that you are able to share in and assist with the various experiences before the big day. You are likely to be approached with questions and suggestions before the groom is, so stay informed and only disclose the necessary information, respecting the groom’s privacy and the possibility of him wanting some of the plans to remain a surprise.

You are responsible for organising and contributing (financially) towards the stag night. This is the groom’s night and he requires care and a sober driver for the entire duration of the evening. By staying sober and taking photographs at the stag night, you are able to provide him with a meaningful memory of the night.

It is also important to be well-behaved at the wedding reception so that wedding photographs and guest experiences do not reflect a group of drunken, disorderly gents hanging around the groom and hitting on the bridesmaids. If you are giving a speech, show responsible respect by delivering a well-prepared speech that does not embarrass guests or the bridal couple inappropriately.

You will also need to fulfill some responsibilities just before and during the reception, including escorting the bridesmaids in and to the bridal table, smiling appropriately for the many, many wedding photos to ensue, and packing the cars at the end of the evening. While the groom enjoys his honeymoon, you will be required to return al tuxedos to the rental company.

Although men are not known for their extensive communication needs, your role will be one of getting to know the ins and outs of the groom’s experience so that any fears or complications can be dealt with effectively, and by you, a close friend or brother. This will undoubtedly prove your commitment to him, and assure him that his choice in groomsman was a wise one.