Your speech will usually begin by your expressing gratitude to the guests that are there, especially those that have travelled long distances to share in your celebrations. Thank the father of the bride for his speech (which would have preceded yours) and then thank him and her mother for allowing you to take over the responsibility of caring for her. Assure them that you plan to love and cherish her always. Thank your parents for their help and contribution to your wedding day, as well as any other close friends or family members that played a major role in the success of your day (e.g. your best man, the bridesmaids, and Aunty Flo for organising the wedding cake).

After these formalities (which should be expressed sincerely and wholeheartedly), move on to speaking to your new wife and life partner. You may break the ice by telling the guests how you two met and what your first impressions of one another were (if these are not going to offend anyone). Tell them how you knew that she was “the one” and how she makes you feel. Then, direct a part of your speech to her, telling her how breathtakingly beautiful she looks (considering how much effort she put into the day, this is a very important part to include) and how excited you are to be celebrating the first day of your lives together. Be sure to refer to her as your wife, conveying your excitement and positive attitude towards the marriage arrangement.

If there is a particular poem or saying that you know would mean a lot to her, consider reading it. If she is originally from another country, consider learning a phrase in her home language and sharing that with her. This makes for a private moment, despite the audience being there, and will no doubt mean the world to her.

It is imperative that you avoid any bad language or cursing, references to ex boyfriends or –girlfriends and negative connotations about any of her friends or family members. Do not drink too much before your speech and remember that, no matter how tempting, lewd suggestions or jokes are never appropriate at this time.

The keys to giving a successful speech as the groom are:

1. Keep your message sincere
2. Prepare and practice well ahead of time
3. Be yourself

The introduction to your presentation is crucially important. It sets the tone of the discourse and establishes the contact with your audience. To get and maintain this attention, apply the following tips and principles:

• Ask a question – by asking them a question, they are forced to think about themselves and how your information will apply to them. This engages them immediately and is likely to keep them interested as they wait to hear the answer / resolution / explanation of their question.  The question can be rhetorical (“Do you sometimes feel that the pressure of city living is compromising your family life?”) or one that requires a response (“How many of you here today heard about your current position through a recruitment agency?”). If your question requires an answer, give the audience a few seconds to think about it and volunteer their answer. Do not wait too long as you do not want to create an awkward atmosphere of silence. Rather, just answer the question yourself. Make your question simple and direct, not one that requires a long explanation.
• Surprise factor – open your presentation with a shocking or impressive fact. This fact should be true and relevant, so that the audience can see how it applies to them, even though they were so surprised at it.
• Get personal – telling a story of something that you experienced, whether humorous, tragic or frightening, will make your audience feel included and involved in what you are about to say. They are also more likely to be able to identify with certain actions, reactions and emotions.
• Quote the greats – to create a dynamic and intriguing presentation, include quotes from philosophers, writers or politicians. Use only as many as you need and always ensure that the quote is easy to understand in your context. Do not overuse quotes as your audience will become distracted and confused.
• Tell a joke – although you need to be very careful about keeping your joke clean, appropriate, non-offensive and applicable, being witty can engage your audience, relax them and encourage them to listen more carefully. Never tell a joke that uses any reference to religion, race, political affiliation, gender, etc…
• Know your audience – ensure that you have a clear idea of who your audience is (position, age, goals, priorities, and so on) and why they are there (to be trained, to gain information, to say goodbye to a fellow colleague, for example).
• Tell them why they should listen to you – if you cannot think of a reason, you should ask yourself sincerely whether the presentation is even necessary.
• Keep it dynamic – the audience notices change, so keep your presentation moving. This could vary from changing the slide or swopping presenters to making the audience get up out of their seats to change positions (for an activity, for example).
• Take a break – during long seminars or conferences, it is vital to take a break on a regular basis and allow the audience to refresh themselves, return phone calls, go to the restroom, and so on.
• Keep it brief – respect the time constraints of your audience and say only as much as you need to say. This will ensure that they do not have time to let their minds wander and are not distracted by thoughts of missing their next appointment.

By being enthusiastic, knowledgeable and genuinely passionate about your subject, you instil the same values in the mind of the listener. They begin to mirror your attitude. This is the perfect response to any presentation, but takes plenty of practice and preparation.

There are few things as memorable as a good wedding speech and few things as embarrassing as a bad one. Here are a few “dos” and “don’ts” to prevent yours from being one of the more cringe-worthy:

Do:

1. Get personal – Avoid finding a template on the internet, or getting a more “wordy” friend to write the speech for you. The wedding guests presumably know the couple fairly well, and enjoy some heartfelt sentiments about the bride and groom with which they can identify. It also makes the entire event far more meaningful for the bridal couple as they may remember your words of encouragement and love or friendship. If you are the bride or groom, this is particularly important for your speech. Your new partner eagerly awaits these words, expressed in front of family and friends, so make them count.
2. Are you trying to be funny? – Humour is a great way to set a relaxed and celebratory mood. However, there is a very fine line between what is generally considered to be funny and what is considered to be inappropriate. It is not a good idea to raise past incidents that may offend the bridal couple or their families (e.g. “I’ll always remember the night Grant and I got picked up for shoplifting tequila…”). Even if your remarks are funny in preparation, they often lose their ‘punch’ when you are nervous and facing a room of expectant faces.
3. Part of the family – If the bride or groom is delivering the speech, the family into which they are marrying has accepted them as one of their own. It is polite and respectful to acknowledge their welcome and express your gratitude for allowing you to marry their child / brother / sister.
4. Get to the point – Say what you want to say and sign off. It is not necessary to rehash the past 20 years that led up to this special day.
5. Mind your manners – Remember to thank all those people that contributed towards the success and organisation of the day by name.
6. Keep it straight – Do not embarrass yourself by trying to deliver your speech after a few drinks. Rather, have one glass of champagne to relax and leave the rest of the celebrating until after your speech.

DON’T:

1. Remember when… – Do not bring up incriminating stories or embarrassing tales of times past that may leave either one of the bridal couple or the guests feeling awkward. This is not likely to get many laughs and will only result in an uncomfortable silence.
2. Steal the limelight – keep your speech and actions in line with the fact that everybody has gathered (perhaps travelling some distance) to celebrate the union of the bridal couple and not to see you (if you are not the bride or groom). Focus the comments on them, not on you or your relationship(s).
3. Target market – Tailor your speech so that the specific group of guests at the wedding can enjoy it and understand it (for example; if mainly older ones are to be present, the speech would not refer to extremely modern technology or music groups with which they would not be familiar).
4. Show favouritism – The Best Man, father etc… giving the speech needs to allot equal time to the bride and groom, irrespective of which one they know better. This may involve sitting down with them well in advance and getting to know them a little better, or asking for guidance from their new husband- or wife-to-be.

1. Preparation is key. Do not think that, because you are generally confident and at ease speaking in front of others, you do not need to prepare something formal to say. This preparation process should include talking to the bride and groom about their expectations for your speech. If you are looking for sweet stories about the couple, you could ask their friends or parents to help you out. When preparing the actual speech, write keywords (not the entire speech) on cards (not paper) and follow these so that you do not lose track. Time yourself and make sure that your speech is between two and four minutes.
2. Think about how this particular couple interacts with one another and focus your speech on this dynamic, as no two relationships are ever the same.
3. Add value to your speech by going the extra mile. You may choose to surprise the couple with a slideshow of their own baby photographs or by introducing a surprise guest that they thought could not make it (this guest should be someone very close to them, not your girlfriend, for example). Alternatively, bring a few sentimental ‘props’ and briefly discuss the significance of each for a personal, sincere speech
4. There are definitely subjects that should never be raised during your speech, regardless of your motive or intentions. These include ex-partners of the bride and groom, anything negative that either the bride or groom has said to you about the other and details of their misspent youth. This will only embarrass them and their wedding guests. The objective of most best men when mentioning these sorts of things is to get a laugh out of the audience, but this is very seldom the actual outcome.
5. Remember to introduce yourself, include the necessary ‘thank you’ messages and be sure to thank whoever paid for or contributed towards the wedding for their hospitality and generosity.
6. If you struggle with saying sincere, heartfelt things to the bride and groom that express how happy you are that they found one another, recite or quote famous pieces to convey this. However, you should concentrate on only one quote or poem and then continue with your own speech. The quoted piece should only serve as a basis or a beginning.
7. PRACTICE! Stand in front of the mirror and rehearse your speech at least three times so that you can get a feel for how you should stand and how you can maintain eye contact with different people in the audience (be sure not to stare at one person for the entire time).
8. Do not get tipsy or drunk before giving your speech. Limit yourself to one pre-speech drink and then wait until you can relax before you have the rest.
9. Do not mention inside jokes that only you and the bride or groom will understand. This excludes guests and makes them feel like outsiders.
10. After you have written your speech, see if you can replace the bride or groom’s name in it with any other name. If you can, you know your speech is not personal enough. Anyone can download a generic speech from the Internet. It is of vital importance that you keep what you say real, genuine and personal.

There needs to be 1) an introduction, 2) the main body and 3) a conclusion.

1.    Introduction

Introduce yourself by stating your name, your role in the wedding and your relationship with the bride or groom, while still keeping it light and even a little humorous (e.g. “Good evening, I’m Mark, the best man and Derek’s younger, much better looking brother). Thank the guests for being there and thank the hosts for their hospitality (usually the bridal couple’s parents).

2.    Main Body

This part of the speech can be funny, but should never be embarrassing or inappropriate. Avoid bringing up stories of your single days and the mischief that you may have gotten up to and never divulge comments shared or secrets spilt about anyone. Rather, make this part of the speech about little known facts of the bride or groom, their interests, passions or hobbies, funny stories you know of them and celebrities that got married on the same day as they are enjoying their wedding. If you are the bride or groom, these stories could include how you met, your first date, etc…

3.    Conclusion

Be sincere in wishing the bridal couple happiness and success for the future if you are not the bride or groom. Thank the guests again for making an effort to be there and encourage them to relax and enjoy themselves. As the groom, you should definitely take this opportunity to express your love for the bride, how beautiful she looks and your excitement for spending the rest of your lives together.

Write each section of your speech on a different card so that these three sections are clearly defined. While delivering your speech, maintain eye contact with different people in the audience (do not stare at one person as this will make everyone a little uncomfortable). Make sure that you speak clearly and loud enough and always address the bride and groom in the first person. Keep your head up so that your voice projects effectively. If you are reading from notes or quoting something from a book, place the microphone between your mouth and the book, so that your voice does not muffle or distort.

Most importantly, keep your message to the guests, bride and groom sincere and meaningful. This is not the time to raise issues that may cause hurt, offense or jealousy. Rather, remind everyone of the reason that they are there and encourage them to join in the spirit of love and romance that makes weddings such special occasions.

Who traditionally says the speeches

• Father of the bride
• Groom
• Best Man

Who says the speeches today

Today’s weddings tend to be less traditional and can include whatever speeches you deem important – such as the maid of honour, the parents of the groom and the bride herself.

The order of the speeches

Speeches are, thankfully, made before the meal:

• The master of ceremonies controls the order of events and will call for the guests’ attention, possibly introducing each speaker in turn
• The father of the bride’s speech usually includes a toast to the bride and groom
• The bridegroom’s speech responds to the father of the bride’s speech, and includes a toast to the bridesmaids
• The bride may give a speech or say a few words
• The best man’s speech responds on behalf of the bridesmaids,
• and is usually the most light-hearted and humorous of the three
• Any other speeches are usually presented now

Basic outlines of the speeches

• Toasting the newlywed couple
• Just how proud he is of his daughter – telling her she looks beautiful would be good here too
• Welcoming his new son-in-law and the groom’s parents
• Words of wisdom and well wishes to the couple
• Toasting the couple again at the end of his speech
• Introducing the groom – if the master of ceremonies doesn’t do so

The groom – this is the speech everyone is here for. Your speech will include:

• Thanking the guests for being there, particularly those from far away
• Thanking the bride’s parents for giving him their daughter in marriage
• Complimenting the bride & thanking her for marrying you
• Paying tribute to his parents
• Acknowledging help with wedding arrangements – hosts, bridegroom and anyone else who has contributed
• Propose a toast to the bridesmaids
• Thanks to everyone for their kind wishes, gifts and cards
• Introduce the best man, if there is one
• Thanks to the best man

The best man – you need to cut a fine balance between amusing and sober – try not to continue in the same vein as the bachelor’s party, and include the following:

• Wishing the bride and groom well for their future
• Regaling your audience with tales about the groom
• Saying a little about the bride and her appearance
• Thanking the bride on behalf of the bridesmaids
• Thanking the hosts on behalf of the guests
• Toasting the parents
• Reading any cards or emails from absent relatives or close friends