The question “can I invite an ex to my wedding?” is a commonly asked question among brides and grooms and a much debated topic in the wedding world. The fact is that there is no right or wrong answer, especially when considering each situation is different. The effect of inviting an ex to the wedding, however, reaches much further and deeper than you might realise and it’s important to study the case from all perspectives before making your decision.

Firstly, you have to consider yourself.

Even if you are really good friends with your ex, it’s impossible to clean the slate in your mind. We’re only human – we can’t just forget because we choose to! It might have been years since you last dated or even thought of your ex “in that way”, but deep down there will always be a hint of unresolved feelings or feelings of resentment – depending on who broke up with whom, of course. Remember: Your wedding day is going to be very emotional – you’ll experience more roller coaster emotions than you’ve ever experienced in your entire life – joy, anticipation and a hint of cold feet even. In the end, even the tiniest splinter of a feeling has the potential to escalate under all the emotion. Worst case scenario, the bride gets nervous, spots her ex sitting in the pews, feelings of “what could have been” resurge and the wedding is called off.

Secondly, you need to consider the feelings of your spouse-to-be.

Even if you are completely over your ex, your spouse might still feel like there is a potential threat in the room – as a result, he won’t be able to fully relax and enjoy his big day. Imagine for a second that you’re at the wedding reception, and your ex comes up to chat to you and your new spouse. Maybe your ex mentions how the dessert tastes almost like the pudding you had on your trip to Italy or comments how your hair looks much like the time you went to that gala. As innocent as it might be in your mind, it will make your spouse feel uncomfortable and one small comment like that could wreck the entire evening. Put yourself in your spouse’s shoes and really think this one through. Even if he or she agrees to your ex attending the wedding, you need to weigh up the potential consequences and unforeseen feelings that might surge on the day.

Thirdly, you need to think of your ex’s feelings.

Sitting in the pews at an ex’s wedding among people who know your history with the bride or groom is never easy. In many cases an ex might even feel like you’re rubbing your new and improved partner in his or her face, as a way of saying “see how much better this one is?” This might be somewhat of an exaggeration, but you really need to put yourself in the shoes of your ex. Ask yourself: Would you like to be faced with the reality that you weren’t marriage material? A scathed ex might also feel the need to prove that they’re better off without you, whether it is by bringing a flashy date or dressing over the top in a way that intimidates your spouse.

Lastly, you need to consider your guests.

Remember, you and your spouse might be on good terms with the ex, but your parents, siblings or best friends might not have had the same opportunity to come to terms with the breakup. Perhaps your mother still hasn’t forgiven your ex for hurting her baby or your brother doesn’t know what to say to him. This could lead to your guests feeling uncomfortable and ultimately create a sense of awkwardness among them. So be sure to run through the guest list and consider every single name on there before writing your ex’s name on the wedding invitation.

In the end you must remember that an ex is really a reminder of a failed relationship and brings a whole suitcase full of old memories that you don’t need to be faced with on your wedding day. Just remember, there are two very important people who will be attending the wedding day – you and your spouse – so it’s not just your decision to make.

Image Credit: www.boldsky.com

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Over the past couple of months while getting into full blown wedding planning mode, the term “wedding stylist” might have popped up in a wedding magazine or blog. Initially you might have thought, “oh well, I’ll be planning my own wedding, thank you very much!” However, it’s important to note that a wedding stylist is not the same as a wedding planner. In fact, there’s quite a big difference between the two:

• A wedding planner is responsible for the logistics of the big day, such as finding a wedding venue, booking the caterer, working out the timetable and allocating the budget.
• A wedding stylist is responsible for the ambience and designing the overall aesthetics of the occasion, in other words the look and feel.

Simply put, if your wedding day were a house, the planner would be the architect and the stylist could be seen as the interior designer.

So why do you need a stylist? Often we’re bombarded with so many creative and inventive ideas, that we lose sight of the bigger picture. The result is what we call the “slapdash theme” where none of the elements really seem to gel and it’s obvious to the entire guest list that the wedding was a DIY job. In broad terms, your stylist is the one who’ll ensure that everything meshes, creating a picture perfect wedding like something out of a magazine.

Most brides know exactly what they want their wedding to look like, but could use a bit of help with the aesthetic side of wedding planning.  That’s where a wedding stylist comes in – to make sure that all the planning and hard work culminates into an enchanting event. The fabulous benefit of a wedding stylist is that you are still very much involved in planning your own wedding. What’s more, you can also decide exactly how involved you want the stylist to be – are you simply in need of basic assistance in bringing together your ideas into a defined look, or do you need full-on guidance from the word “go”.

So let’s delve a little deeper into what exactly you can and can’t expect from a wedding stylist:

• To start off with, you’ll sit with your wedding stylist to figure out an overall look and feel, for instance rustic chic, antique flair or contemporary elegance, to name but a few.
• Being a wedding stylist is all about adding the WOW-factor to an event. More importantly however, is ensuring that all the elements form a pretty picture, cohesive and well put together. This also guarantees that your venue looks absolutely perfect in the photographs.
• A wedding stylist doesn’t book your vendors for you or choose your wedding venue. However he or she will be able to point you in the right direction and give you advice in terms of which vendors are trustworthy or fit your budget.
• While the stylist instructs and works closely with the florist, cake designer and other creative vendors to create the completed ensemble, it’s important to note that she doesn’t replace the décor designer, for instance. You’ll still need to appoint the necessary vendors and they will add an additional level of expertise and insight.
• From the stationery to the flowers, linens to lighting, and furniture to overall flow – the wedding stylist aims to reflect you as a couple and to ensure your wedding leaves a lasting impression.
• Being a wedding stylist is all about taking the bride’s ideas, assessing them, adding creative knowledge and coming up with a unique visual concept to suit her needs.
• Your stylist will help you to choose a colour scheme – a vitally important task that can so often get the best of a bride. The stylist’s insight into complementary colours, flowers, available décor and so forth means that she’ll be able to give you valuable advice on which colours to ultimately settle on.
• Do these flowers go with the rustic theme? What sort of lighting will add to the ambience of the event? Will a candy buffet really work with this theme or are we better off with a dessert table? Do these tables need linens or will the unpolished surface be a better fit? These are just some of the questions a wedding stylist will ask and ultimately answer.

Image Credit: www.weddingstylistsmelbourne.com.au

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Marloth Park is perched on the southern boundary of the world-renowned Kruger National Park. It boasts stunning views of the mammoth and mighty Crocodile River as it enjoys its positioning on its ample banks. This holiday community is a popular hotspot for travellers from all over South Africa, and is becoming an increasingly demanded venue for weddings and honeymoons amongst couples that want to incorporate a true South African flavour into their special day.

Marloth Park is well connected via national roads. It is only 450 kilometres from the commercial, economic and cultural hub of Johannesburg and 120 kilometres from Mpumalanga and all of its resources. This major metropolis is the base from which many visitors explore the rest of South Africa, being the home of the OR Tambo International Airport.  This means that guests travelling from other places in South Africa or, indeed, the world, can enjoy convenient access to your wedding venue.

Marloth Park is the natural habitat of many of South Africa’s most exciting wildlife and vegetation. Visitors can look forward to spotting elephants, rhinoceroses, hippopotamuses, monkeys, giraffes, warthogs and many antelope species as they roam freely.

The Grand Kruger Lodge and Needles Lodge are both 4-star facilities that boast stunning wedding venues for discerning brides- and grooms-to-be. The Grand Kruger Lodge can accommodate up to 80 wedding guests, while Needles Lodge is designed for more intimate occasions, having a capacity of 35 guests. Because these enjoy such close proximity to well-established town centres and favourite tourist attractions, they also make for the ideal honeymoon accommodation.

During your time in Marloth Park, whether on honeymoon or as a wedding guest on holiday, the following sights and activities are recommended:

• Game viewing
• Spend a day or two exploring the wonders of the Kruger National Park
• Visiting Swaziland (60 kilometres away), Mozambique (20 kilometres away) or the South African province of Mpumalanga (120 kilometres away)
• Watching the wildlife as they drink from the Crocodile River
• Fishing at Komatipoort
• Golfing at Malelane
• Bush walks
• Sundowners at the end of a beautiful day spent in the African bushveld

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The landscape of Harrismith is characterised by breath-taking mesas and buttes, lending this land a haunting beauty that makes for memorable backdrops to almost any occasion. Harrismith is the biggest town in the South African province of the Free State and was established in its present area in 1850. The stunning scenery has proven to be most popular amongst prospective South African brides and grooms that want to celebrate their union and love in a place that exudes an authentically African charm. A wedding photographer’s dream, Harrismith invites the bridal couple and their wedding guests to be a part of this organic splendour.

In addition to the breath-taking vistas, Harrismith is also very conveniently positioned and accessible. It is only 314 kilometres from Johannesburg and the OR Tambo International Airport and 315 kilometres from Durban and its King Shaka International Airport. This means that guests travelling from all over South Africa, and even the world, have easy access to your wedding destination.

This is a popular destination amongst those travellers seeking a retreat from the hustle and bustle of city living. For this reason, there is a host of guesthouses and lodges offering top-notch accommodation to you, as the newlywed couple, as well as to any of your wedding guests that will be extending their stay to enjoy a holiday in Harrismith. Some popular accommodation facilities include the Harrismith Nature Reserve (with stunning views of the Drakensberg Mountain Range), and the Harrismith Inn.

During your time in Harrismith, be sure to see and do the following things:

• Harrismith Town Hall  (a National Monument)
• The Wildflower Gardens
• Platberg (a mountain range measuring nine kilometres)
• The Harrismith Golf Course (18 holes)
• The magnificent Sterkfontein Dam
• Bushmen paintings
• Neo paintings (Sotho paintings)

Image courtesy of TripAdvisor

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Kuruman is a small town, found on the border of the Kalahari Desert in South Africa. It is the main hub of the Northern Cape, known for its sweltering summers and very chilly winters. The beauty of this area is undeniable and Kuruman is particularly gorgeous, having the Gasegonyane (a permanent water source) to nourish and sustain the plants, animals and people that have made this their home.

Kuruman is particularly green and lush, guaranteeing beautiful backgrounds for your wedding photos and stunning views on your occasion. Being situated within the Kuruman Valley, this town enjoys all of the dense vegetation and natural birdlife of the area, lending it a spectacular ambience of the African outdoors. Whether you have chosen to have an intimate wedding for your nearest and dearest, or a larger, more opulent affair, Kuruman ensures that guests will be left in awe of the backdrops.

Kuruman is also relatively accessible, being situated on the road that stretches between Johannesburg and Namibia (in one direction) or Cape Town (in the other). This route has featured in the annals of history and still boasts many of the cultural and historical remnants that tell the tale of the beginnings of South Africa. So, honeymooning couples as well as wedding guests that stay on in the area after your special day will have plenty to do as they explore these fascinating surrounds. Some of the nearby attractions and activities include:

• The Billy Duvenhage Nature Reserve
• The Gasegonyane, also known as “Die Oog” (a natural fountain that delivers approximately 25 million litres of water every day)
• The Kalahari Raptor Rehabilitation Centre
• The Moffat Mission Station
• The Truce Tree (a significant landmark that earned its place in history during the rebellion of 1914)
• The Bird Sanctuary, home to about 115 different kinds of birds
• The Kuruman Hiking Trail
• The exquisite Kgalagadi Transfrontier Park
• Guided mine excursions
• The Wonderwerk Cave
• The Kalahari Manganese Field Mineral Collection
• The Kuruman Country Club (for golf, squash, tennis, snooker and bowls)
• The Tswalu Kalahari Reserve

Image courtesy of Griquas

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Hoedspruit, nestled at the foot of the Klein Drakensberg Mountain Range just outside the famous Kruger National Park in the Lowveld of South Africa, is supported mainly by the agricultural and tourism industries.  Although small, this friendly town is frequented by South African and foreign tourists, particularly those looking for a true African adventure of wildlife safaris and stunning backdrops. The proximity of Hoedspruit to the Kruger makes it particularly popular amongst bridal couples and honeymooners that want to celebrate their big day and honeymoon in a true African style.

Weddings set amidst the cliff faces, bushveld and towering forests of this gorgeous region are given a truly magical flavour, one that your wedding guests will no doubt treasure. The warm hospitality and old-world charm of this Limpopo town infuses every aspect of it as a wedding and honeymoon venue, making it ideal for bridal couples looking for something completely different and undeniably memorable.

Some of the local attractions include:

• Hiking and walking trails
• Game viewing
• Birding
• Sundowners with the elephants of Amukela Game Lodge
• Spend the day with cheetahs and lions at the various rehabilitation and breeding centres in the Kapama Reserve. These include the Moholoholo Rehabilitation Centre and the Tshukudu Game Lodge (where visitors can actually walk lions within their natural habitat)
• Explore various game farms, home to the Big 5 (lions, leopards, rhinos, buffaloes and elephants) and witness these majestic animals as they hunt, live and meander through their bushveld homes. Some of the local game farms include the Balule Game Reserve, Blyde-Olifants Conservancy, Hans Merensky Nature Reserve, Klaserie Game Reserve, Kruger National Park (and all of the reserves and farms that form it), Makalali Conservancy, Selati Game Reserve, Thornybush Game Reserve, Timbavati Game Reserve and Umbabat Game Reserve
• The Daktari Wildlife Orphanage is an educational initiative that homes and rehabilitates orphaned animals
• The Khamai Reptile Park
• The Hoedspruit Giant Baobab and Upside Down Restaurant
• The awesome Klaserie Waterfalls
• Tour Blyde Dam by boat
• Spend time learning of the intricacies of silk at the Bombyx Mori Silk Farm
• Immerse yourself in the local culture at the Nyani Cultural Village

Image courtesy of BonaIntaba

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The Magoebaskloof Region in Limpopo Province is an exquisite part of South Africa. Nestled at the northern edge of the magnificent Drakensburg Mountain Range, Magoebaskloof is surrounded by towering kloofs. It is dubbed “the land of the silver mists”, a characteristic of its unique positioning, granting it a mystical beauty. Frequented by avid hikers, the area is a tourist hotspot, popular amongst travellers from all over the world who want to sample some of the unspoilt beauty of this gorgeous country. It is also gaining increasing popularity amongst brides- and grooms-to-be that value having the environment play a supporting role in the celebration of their big day.

Magoebaskloof is relatively centrally situated. This makes it easy for your wedding guests to access, as well as a convenient destination for your honeymoon. The following driving times indicate its proximity to major epicentres:

• Johannesburg: 3.5 hours
• Polokwane: 45 minutes
• Tzaneen: 30 to 40 minutes
• The Kruger National Park: 1 hour

Any wedding services and products that cannot be sourced within the immediate area will, therefore, be available within a short drive from Magoebaskloof, putting the busy bride’s mind at ease.

Whether in Magoebaskloof as the bridal couple on honeymoon or as a wedding guest that has extended your stay to include a holiday, the following sights and activities are recommended:

• The beauty of the Afromontane forests
• Bird watching and game viewing
• Hiking, walking and cycling trails
• Sapekoe’s Middelkop Tea Estate, boasting magnificent views and delicious herbal infusions
• The Woodbush Forest and the Swartbos forests
• Arts and crafts markets
• The Makapansgat Valley, home to a variety of fossils
• The stunning Modjadji Cycad Reserve
• The Polokwane Game Reserve
• The Tzaneen Country Club
• The Wolkberg Wilderness Area
• Tig’s Candles in the Mist
• Magoebaskloof Getaway Hiking Trail
• Horse riding
• Boating
• Rafting
• Yachting
• Cycling
• Fishing
• Golf
• Abseiling
• Paintballing
• Quad biking
• Tubing
• 4 x 4 Trails
• Cheese Making Tours at the Wegraakbosch Organic Dairy
• Agatha Crocodile Ranch
• The Debengeni Waterfalls
• The Efef Elephant Project
• River rafting

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Wedding Service Providers can make a difference.

Let me give you my side of the story as the customer, maybe then you will understand what makes me buy from you, or drives me away.

On arrival…

I like to be greeted promptly, warmly and sincerely, to be acknowledged that I am important to your business. So the first thing that will draw my attention is ‘you’, before you sell anything else, you are always selling yourself. That way you will influence your potential customer favorably and set the tone for welcoming potential sales signals.

There is a reason why I chose to call on you; maybe you do stand above the crowd, maybe it was your open and honest advertising. But I am here now and I will be observing to see if you take customers seriously, as after all, we are your business.

Maybe I phoned or sent you an email, consider these few simple points:

• When I call or write, do you contact or answer me promptly or do you linger in your response? Remember that if you snooze you lose and be aware I know about your opposition. You need to show or let me hear that you want my business.
• When you communicate with me are you friendly and interested in my situation or just interested in selling your product?
• Do you take the time to learn about what I really need? Maybe there is something more exciting you have? Maybe if you spent a few extra moments with me you could sell me more and save me time running around. Tell me how convenient you are, I’d be impressed.
• Are you genuine in your approach and eager to help me or are you just putting on a show? Are you willing to go the extra mile towards making my dreams come true?

Now that I am in your space are you going to provide me the minimum Service, so I might be more or less pleased, after all this is what everyone else does or are you going to surprise me?

This surprise service is when something I don’t expect comes along without prodding or action on my part. You don’t know it yet but it is this element of “surprise” that makes the difference and provides the best buying signal. You have to know what your opposition is providing and whether it is a REQUIRED and/or EXPECTED service, remember I will notice it when you fail to provide them. I will always remember the SURPRISES. In doing so, you have secured a lifetime partnership with me. So never disappoint me.

I like a sales representative who actually listens to what I want instead of trying to push me into their standard services. I like to stay with a company that responds to my company every time as if I am their only and their most important client (because that’s the way I think even if it’s not accurate) – particularly when I ask them to customise things for me or to produce something for me at the last minute with little notice.

I will treat an accessible sales representative with respect as a special friend, you know the one who returns my phone calls/emails the same day and who follows through on every task or question without my needing to ask them a second time.

Make me feel that you are also human and apologise when you have made a mistake and show me what you are going to do to correct it.

Then let me explain to you I do watch the TV and read the News papers, I see the opposition’s prices so don’t give me that story of it’s your best price. If you want me, and my money then do something that will benefit us both.

For a last few remarks let me tell you a secret, I am actually looking to you for a feeling of trust and a long term business relationship as I am the best advert you ever will get and it costs you nothing, I am the “word of mouth” advert you so desperately need.

So next time you see me, take special note of me.

Article courtesy of Reverend Daniel Brits

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A Valentine’s Day wedding theme doesn’t have to just equal hearts and candies with little messages think about a twist that you can add to celebrate your special occasion in a unique manner. The wedding ceremony should be intimate, so use candles in elegant candelabras or beautiful glass holders, to keep illumination low and to create the most romantic atmosphere.

Use lots of lace, heart motives and ribbons for the invitations and send them in red envelopes with heart-shaped confetti sprinkled inside to stir up a bit of excitement among the guests. Even though red roses are the most popular flower choice for a valentines wedding theme all flowers actually suggest romance, so have them in abundance. Create a valentine mood at the guests’ tables with silver dishes that have been filled with mini heart candies, which bear different declarations of love and affection.

Get a professional calligraphist to inscribe your place cards with a famous love poem or a romantic quote. Add a heart shaped frame with pictures of the couple together and a beautiful overflowing vase of cascading flowers to finish off the table decorations.

Your Valentines’ menu should include foods that are associated with love, like oysters, strawberries and of course chocolate – chat to your caterer for some more tips and ideas. Chocolate actually contains the same chemical your brain releases when you fall in love, so it is a perfect match for a valentines theme. Additional little extras like a sign for the punch bowel saying “luv potion” will add that fun, playful touch to the whole event and make it less serious.

A great way to include your guests in this special occasion is to have them write personal little messages in gold on red or pink paper. Create a heart-shaped box that the guests can fill throughout the actual ceremony. Keep these special messages as a surprise for the couple before they leave the function or you can read them during the reception as a special highlight.

When your wedding is held on Valentine’s Day, the colours are pretty much predetermined by the holiday already. After all, it is considered to be the most romantic day of the year and red is the most appropriate colour to symbolise passion and love. Pick a design theme that suits your personality. It doesn’t matter if you choose decorations to create a formal, romantic or playful look; the items must reflect the love you share with one another and the significance of the day itself.

For more ideas for a Valentines Day Wedding Theme, check out the links below:

• Pink and Red Weddings
• Valentines Day Fabric Bouquets
• Valentines Day Ideas
• Valentines Day Mixed CD Ideas

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Generally speaking, the formal validity of a marriage is determined by the law of the place where the marriage was solemnised (country that issued the marriage certificate); this is based on the common law doctrine of lex loci celebrationis. However, this does not imply that the law of the country where the marriage was solemnised, governs the legal and proprietary consequences thereof. Thus a certain degree of legal uncertainly exists where either (or both) of the parties to the marriage are not domiciled in the same country or when the marriage is solemnised in a place outside either (or both) spouses’ country of domicile.

Moreover, each country has its own internal regulations dealing with the recognition of marriages solemnised in or outside its borders, these should be observed by couples prior to marriage in South Africa.

Possible ways to address the legal uncertainty

1. Execution and registration of an antenuptial contract:

Marriage itself is essentially a contract entered into between spouses, regardless of whether or not an antenuptial contract is executed. Therefore, in terms of common law, specifically Roman – Dutch law, as in the case of other contracts, the intention of the contracting parties (consensus / the meeting of the minds) is the essential requirements for all legally valid and enforceable contracts.

Therefore, one may deduce that when a couple executes an antenuptial contract it embodies their intention and therefore, the execution thereof may serve as prima facie proof of the couple’s intention that South African law (in this case) applies to their marriage. This however, is not supported by legal precedent (to date).

Moreover, in terms of South African law, in the absence of the execution of a valid antenuptial contract, the couple is married in community of property and, the law of the place of the husband’s domicile prevails where the marriage is concluded in a territory outside the couple’s (one or both parties) domicile.

2. The law of the place of the husband’s domicile:

A person’s domicile is a particular territorial jurisdictional area or country where he / she intends to settle or is settled indefinitely. It is therefore a subjective determination based on the intention of the parties, something which is sometimes difficult to establish.

In terms of South African common law and the Domicile Act of 1992, where either or both parties are not domiciled in the same country or state or when the marriage is solemnised in a place where either or both spouses are not domiciled, the law of the place of the husband’s domicile, at time of the marriage, will govern the legal and proprietary consequences thereof.

Nevertheless, even though this theory is in our view outdated and in conflict with the principle of equality. Legal reform is therefore required. However, until its repeal the application of the theory of the husband’s domicile prevails to marriages solemnised in South Africa.

3. The Hague Convention of 1978:

The Hague convention concluded on 14 March 1978 (came into force and effect on 1 September 1992), proposal a unique and maybe ground – breaking solution to this problem.

Under the convention the legal system (to be applicable to the couple’s marriage), may be selected by the parties prior thereto and is based on:

1. “the law of the state to which either spouse is a national at the time of designation, or
2. the law of the state to which either spouse has habitual residence at the time of designation, or
3. the law of the first state where one of the spouses established a new habitual residence after marriage.”

However, according to this convention, if the spouses have not designated their marital property regime prior to marriage (by deduction – by means of entering into an antenuptial contract), the internal law of the state in which both spouses establish their first habitual residence after marriage will prevail.

The provisions of this convention may however, only be relied on in countries that are signatories thereto, namely: Austria, France, Luxembourg, Netherlands and Portugal. Therefore, like other international treaties and agreements, where South Africa is not a signatory, such agreement is the equivalent of a policy document which contents may be considered by a South African court of law, but it is not legally binding as in the case of the Constitution and / or any legislation.

Thus, the provisions of the common law, the Matrimonial Property Act 88 of 1984 (as amended) and related legislation, govern the legal and proprietary consequences of civil marriages in South Africa. Even though this convention provides couples with a great deal of flexibility in exercising their intention, the provisions hereof cannot be enforced in South African marriages.

Conclusion:

It is of the utmost importance that couples intending to solemnise their marriage in South Africa consult with an attorney prior thereto and to execute an antenuptial contract that will embody their intentions and promote their best interests.

Article provided by Schoeman Attorneys

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