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Overview
How much time, money, energy and planning go into your wedding ceremony vs your marriage? The wedding ceremony is a couple of hours…. Your marriage is (hopefully!) the rest of your life! Is PLANNING part of a marital relationship? Well, have you ever accomplished any success in life without an element of planning? Couples often think when they want to get married they know each other very well. Often this is not the case.
Some people are quite well-adjusted, while others are not. The person who is lacking in good emotional or personality adjustment finds it difficult to live with himself and others. Most serious marriage problems arise because one or both partners have some long-standing problematic personality characteristics. Once we marry, these problems are even more likely to be triggered because of the new levels of intimacy, responsibility and give and take required in marriage.
Having compatible goals and understanding each other's plans for the future is also vital for a happy marriage. Goals affect every area of our lives. They involve having children (yes, no and how many), where we choose to live, our spiritual interests, career plans and a host of other factors.
Shared recreational interests help build togetherness. What do you and your prospective spouse share? Just shopping together, watching TV on the coach and eating out is probably not enough. We need to share in our recreational, vocational and spiritual lives.
Do you know what your prospective spouse's most important emotional needs are? If not, your spouse could fall out of love with you! A husband tends to find his wife irresistible when she learns to join him in a sexual relationship they both find satisfying and enjoyable, becomes his favorite recreational companion, manages her overall appearance in a way that he finds physically attractive, manages household responsibilities, and understands and appreciates him more than anyone else. A wife tends to find her husband irresistible when he learns to create an environment of affection that clearly and repeatedly expresses his love for her, sets aside time every day just to talk to her with undivided attention and interest, is completely honest and open with her, provides financial support for her, and is committed to the moral and educational development of their children.
The feeling of love is essential for a happy marriage, but it is very fragile. Most couples lose it within a few years of marriage. It's created before marriage when a man and woman are successful in meeting each other's most important emotional needs. But after marriage, those needs often go unmet, and when they do, couples fall out of love for each other.
Sometimes spouses are simply lazy about the way they try to meet each other’s needs.
More often, though, it’s IGNORANCE. After marriage, new emotional needs are created that come very unexpectedly. Most spouses are not only ignorant of their importance, but also unprepared to meet them.
If our needs stayed the same before and after marriage, the problem would be easy to fix -- go back to what you were doing before marriage. But emotional needs change throughout life. I am a registered Counselling Psychologist for 15 years. I offer Pre-Marital counselling to couples who intend to get married. This can be done either individually or in a group. Counselling will be in the form of information, DVD's, listening to CD's, group discussions and working as a couple on some exercises. Practical and fun! The goal is to strengthen your relationship and prepare you constructively for the possible challenges you might face in your future together. Counselling will help you to see where your partner stands on different topics and what her/his priorities are in life. Some of these will include children, religion, finances and family issues.
The counselling covers topics like:
- Intra-personal aspects. What makes us behave the way we do? How do we see and value ourselves and others?
- Barriers to effective communication. How to manage an argument. How to listen effectively
- What makes marriages succeed? What makes marriages fail?
- How to stay in love.
- How to recreate the feeling of love if lost! A successful marriage involves falling in love many times!
- Role of the husband and wife
- Instincts and Habits
- the Love Bank
- learning to care for each other
- Men's most important emotional needs
- Women's most important emotional needs,
- Love Busters
- Undivided attention,
- Radical honesty
- Recreational enjoyment
- the role of family,
- finances,
- intimacy,
- values, etc.
Fees:
Please contact me to enquire about the fees. Standard medical aid fees are charged and in most cases I can claim directly from your Medical Aid.
Testimonials
Pierre
Date: 31.01.2012
Ek is baie dankbaar oor al die goeie “tools” wat ons ontvang het deur die sessies. Veral die sessies oor emosionele behoeftes en konflik was baie hulpvol. Niks sou my keuse van trou verander het nie, maar na die kursus voel ek sterker daaroor as ooit. Baie dankie vir al die hulp. Ek reken jy sal nooit mekaar regtig 100% ken en vertrou as jy nie bereid is om hierdie kursus te voltooi nie. Dit is op die man af en besprreek al die belangrikste kwessies.
Janine
Date: 31.01.2012
Ek dink regtig dat die voorhuwelikse kursus ongelooflik waardevol en belangrik is om te doen. Dit fokus op alle belangrike aspekte van ‘n verhouding. Nie net het dit gehelp date k en Pierre mekaar beter verstaan nie, maar ook om myself beter te kan verstaan in terme van my eie emosionele behoeftes, ens. Die sessie oor emosionele behoeftes was veral insiggewend en baie waardevol. Ek hou daarvan dat die sessie ook nie weggeskram het van moeilike onderwerpe nie maar eerder in diepte daarop gefokus het en ons die tools gegee het om dit aan te spreek, bv. godsdiens, familie-kwessies, konflikhantering, ens. Ek en Pierre het ongelooflik baie geleer en die sessies het werklik gehelp om ons verhouding nog ryker te maak. Baie baie dankie.
Pierre Jacobs
Date: 17.01.2012
Baie dankie vir die klasse sover, dit maak regtig ‘n groot verskil vir ons altwee. Weet eintlik regtig nie hoe ‘n mens kans sien om te trou as jy nog nie deur so ‘n kursus is nie!
Tarien
Date: 26.11.2011
Cornelia bied ‘n baie veilige omgewing waar ek gemaklik en veilig voel om volkome eerlik te kan wees met myself enmy maat. Ek kon vir die eerste keer struikelblokke met my maat addresseer wat ek nog nooit die moed gehad het om te doen nie.
Ek sal enige iemand aanraai om haar huweliksvoorbereiding proses te volg. Sy is wonderlik gewees vir ons.
Cornelia, met enige struikelblok of “bump in the road”sale k weer aa nou deur kom klop.
Baie dankie vir die wonderlike begin wat jy vir my en my man gegee het.
Quintin
Date: 26.11.2011
Thank you so much Cornelia for everything that you have taught us and for the experience that you have shared.
I would highly recommend that every couple go through this program before they get married. I wish I had half the knowledge about identifying needs and fulfilling them correctly as I now do, thank you so much for this.
I will most certainly be sharing what you have taught me with everyone that I know, so please do expect a few calls from mates.
Oh, and the fact that my medical aid picked up the tab was an added bonus.
Best of luck with everything going forward.
Zula and Lauretta Tlholoe
Date: 03.09.2011
Wow! What a thought provoking, sensitive, empowering, enduring and educational session we had! In our view my wife and I think all couples planning to get married should afford themselves the opportunity with a professional equipping them as individuals to get to know each other before getting into a matrimonial union.
In a nutshell: Marriage is a house. Its ability to withstand the ever changing weathers depends on how it was built. Ultimately the properly built house lasts. One needs to plan with common objectives from the onset. Foundation is key which is the knowledge and meeting of each other’s emotional needs and sharing and maintaining love. Bricks and reinforcement: as a couple you need to have a policy on how you agree on issues, undivided attention and honesty. Unforeseen and unplanned winds and tornados will be conflicts and disagreements of the two individuals. The roof is the systematic conflict management and act of listening and communicating, avoiding unnecessary disturbance in a marriage. So one should make it a point that their house can stand the test of time.
We as a couple are still well, good, healthy, loving, blessed and in love. The love banks are still in a positive. We are still having constructive conversations, fulfillment of our sexuality and committed to the course of love. We are still committed in implementing the acquired knowledge. Nevertheless we are in love and the is still burning. We know each other better now. Thank you for your session.
I must confess that you have molded us to be this phenomenal couple with character and integrity in our marriage. A lot of my friends are saying we sound so empowered. Thank you once more.
Wynand & Sam
Date: 31.05.2011
We obtained lots of tools that will probably only be practiced and well entrenched after years. But we have all we need to guide us to ensure a happy and balanced family. Nothing was left out. Everything was covered to ensure that we have a healthy and balanced relationship and family. We were impressed with the speed and vast amount of material covered. The scheduling of sessions was very accommodating.
Mahlatse
Date: 22.01.2011
The sessions were quite interesting, probing and generally emotional. I think that the content was quite appropriate and useful. Learned quite a lot about myself and my partner. I would recommend this for all couples, married or not.
Yvonne
Date: 22.01.2011
I felt that our sessions were very useful for us in that we learnt a lot about each other ghrough the discussions and homework sessions. The material is very practical and easy to put inot use on an everyday basis. It also helps that there are printouts to refer to whenever necessary. I thoroughly enjoyed the sessions and felt that I had learnt something important after each sessions. Thank you very much for your time. I will keep re-learning and practicing what I’ve learnt here.
Anonymous
Date: 08.11.2010
We enjoyed the counseling sessions, it was a great eye opener. I found the questionnaires that you gave us very insightful and the discussions also helped me understand Sebaka a lot.
The other thing that I found very reassuring was the fact that the discussion were based on your professional experience and that you are also married and know exactly what you were talking about. It was definitely worth our while and the money.
You engaged us a lot and did not just dictate to us what and how we need to do things.
