How much time, money, energy and planning go into your wedding ceremony vs your marriage? The wedding ceremony is a couple of hours….
Your marriage is (hopefully!) the rest of your life! Is PLANNING part of a marital relationship? Well, have you ever accomplished any success in life without an element of planning? Couples often think when they want to get married they know each other very well. Often this is not the case.
Some people are quite well-adjusted, while others are not. The person who is lacking in good emotional or personality adjustment finds it difficult to live with himself and others. Most serious marriage problems arise because one or both partners have some long-standing problematic personality characteristics. Once we marry, these problems are even more likely to be triggered because of the new levels of intimacy, responsibility and give and take required in marriage.
Having compatible goals and understanding each other's plans for the future is also vital for a happy marriage. Goals affect every area of our lives. They involve having children (yes, no and how many), where we choose to live, our spiritual interests, career plans and a host of other factors.
Shared recreational interests help build togetherness. What do you and your prospective spouse share? Just shopping together, watching TV on the coach and eating out is probably not enough. We need to share in our recreational, vocational and spiritual lives.
Do you know what your prospective spouse's most important emotional needs are? If not, your spouse could fall out of love with you! A husband tends to find his wife irresistible when she learns to join him in a sexual relationship they both find satisfying and enjoyable, becomes his favorite recreational companion, manages her overall appearance in a way that he finds physically attractive, manages household responsibilities, and understands and appreciates him more than anyone else. A wife tends to find her husband irresistible when he learns to create an environment of affection that clearly and repeatedly expresses his love for her, sets aside time every day just to talk to her with undivided attention and interest, is completely honest and open with her, provides financial support for her, and is committed to the moral and educational development of their children.
The feeling of love is essential for a happy marriage, but it is very fragile. Most couples lose it within a few years of marriage. It's created before marriage when a man and woman are successful in meeting each other's most important emotional needs. But after marriage, those needs often go unmet, and when they do, couples fall out of love for each other.
Sometimes spouses are simply lazy about the way they try to meet each other’s needs.
More often, though, it’s IGNORANCE. After marriage, new emotional needs are created that come very unexpectedly. Most spouses are not only ignorant of their importance, but also unprepared to meet them.
If our needs stayed the same before and after marriage, the problem would be easy to fix -- go back to what you were doing before marriage. But emotional needs change throughout life. I am a registered Counselling Psychologist for 15 years. I offer Pre-Marital counselling to couples who intend to get married. This can be done either individually or in a group. Counselling will be in the form of information, DVD's, listening to CD's, group discussions and working as a couple on some exercises. Practical and fun! The goal is to strengthen your relationship and prepare you constructively for the possible challenges you might face in your future together. Counselling will help you to see where your partner stands on different topics and what her/his priorities are in life. Some of these will include children, religion, finances and family issues.
The counselling covers topics like:
Please contact me to enquire about the fees. Standard medical aid fees are charged and in most cases I can claim directly from your Medical Aid.
Weekend seminars in the rest of South Africa
I will be hosting a 3-day weekend seminar on Marriage preparation on the following dates. Please contact me for more details or if you are interested in booking for it. Bookings will be limited to a maximum of 7 couples per seminar.
PREMARITAL COUNSELLING WEEKEND WORKSHOPS 2016
All workshops are held in the Pretoria area only.
Only 7 couples allowed per seminar – Book well in advance
Kindly visit our website for more information.
"Very helpful in terms of general wedding ideas and supplier references..Love it!"~ Nicole Boyd, Western Cape