Although marriage counselling may be the last thing on your wedding planning ‘to do list’, it is a very wise option for modern couples. As the divorce rate sky rockets worldwide and both men and women are leading more stressful, busy lives, couples are finding that they need some guidance in preparation for the union into which they are about to enter.

Some couples opt for a pre-marriage course offered through their church as they feel that these will be tailored to their personal ideals and faith. Such institutions usually cover the basic morals and principles that are outlined in the Bible or the book that they consider to be holy (e.g. the Koran). Alternatively, others prefer to see someone in a professional capacity, such as a psychologist, counsellor or marriage counsellor. These ones approach the issues in an objective way, delving into the personalities of each person and identifying areas in which they may need to work.

Premarital counselling does not mean that either of you is unprepared or unsuitable for marriage. Rather, it is an indication that you are both prepared to accept guidance and resolve any outstanding issues for the sake of a healthy future. It shows your willingness to enter into marriage on the best possible footing.

During therapy, some of the following common issues are brought up and handled:

• Difficulty in or hesitance to commit (in the present or past relationships).
• Resolution of concerns that cause disagreements between the individuals in the couple (these are often to do with money, sex, trust and previous relationships).
• Mistakes that were made in previous relationships and how these can be avoided.
• Dealing with trauma in the past, including abuse and neglect.
• A discussion of each person’s expectations from marriage and from their partner. Resolving whether or not these are realistic will go a long way in avoiding disappointment and heartache in the future.

These are usually done in a series of questions, which encourage you, as the couple, to open up and share your thoughts, concerns and experiences honestly. The standard subjects covered in pre-marital counselling include:

• Communication skills – how you talk and how you listen to one another.
• Financial roles and how you plan to handle challenges.
• Parenting – whether you share the same idea of whether or not to have children, how they should be disciplined, who will be responsible for the discipline, what religion you will raise your children to follow, and so on.
• Sex – this is a major reason for divorce today. The counsellor will encourage you to share fears, expectations and desires.
• Family issues – your childhood has moulded you to a large degree, and is likely very different from that of your partner. By discussing your histories and how it has affected your presents, you will discover much about one another. There will also be a discussion of your current family situations and how that will affect your lives together (e.g. children from previous relationships, disapproving or very involved parents, and so on).
• Religion – core beliefs often define the person we are and the values we hold dear. It is crucial to know and understand one another’s spiritual status.

Once you have decided to visit a pre-wedding counsellor, discuss together what you would like to cover and what matters you feel can be handled better or resolved. This will help you to approach the sessions with enthusiasm and a genuine desire to be open and honest.

Image Courtesy of Wedding By Color

This article was posted by Celebration.co.za - South Africa Wedding Guide.