Family vs Fiancé

By The Celebration Team 10 May, 2011

Family vs Fiancé

There is nothing that puts a damper on your pre-wedding excitement quite like your family not liking the person with whom you have chosen to spend the rest of your life. Of course, the best situation would be one in which they all get along like a house on fire, but you would probably settle for their contentment in seeing you happy with whoever you choose. Unfortunately, this simply is not always the case.

Getting worked up, angry and nasty is never the solution. Rather, communication is always the key. If you know of something that your fiancé did to upset your family, it is important that you and they feel that the issue has been resolved in some way (whether this be retracting a hurtful statement, paying back money that was loaned, etc...). If your family is genuinely worried about some character flaw, try to accept that they have every right to be concerned about your welfare. Consider their argument as one coming from a place of love and put yourselves in their position to better understand their motivation.

However, if there is nothing that you know of, it is important that you talk to your family about the issue. Ask them kindly and reasonably if there is something that your fiancé has done wrong or to offend them. Listen carefully to what they say. They may have misunderstood something, heard a rumour about him or her or have a legitimate cause for concern. It may be difficult, but it is important that you do not lose your cool. Remain as calm and objective as possible.

Be understanding about the fact that your family is probably only concerned about your happiness and well-being. Try to express your appreciation for that and explain to them how much they and their opinions mean to you. Continue to show them how much you love them and that getting married will not mean being taken away from them completely.

Whatever your family says, it is important that you listen carefully, but not try to take the hurtful things too seriously or personally, if there is no basis for them. Do not let this ruin a good relationship with your parents or siblings.

It is imperative that, if you disagree with what they have said, you stand up for your partner, defending them and letting your family know the truth about them. Speak up as soon as you notice tendencies to be spiteful or degrading about your fiancé so that it is not allowed to escalate to a point of no return, where feelings are too hurt and relationships too damaged. By standing up for your future spouse, you will ensure that this person can trust you, your love and your loyalty. This may, eventually, also lead to your family’s respect for you.

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