have-you-had-the-talk
The list of questions below should have been discussed and agreed upon before you plan to take the plunge into marriage. Being able to communicate, compromise and agree on these important issues will avoid unexpected disappointments and disagreements later on.

  • Who will be responsible for the care and maintenance of our home and garden?
  • What proportion of our monthly income will we spend on home payments and maintenance?
  • Can we both live with the other’s level of hygiene and organisation?
  • How much do we earn together at the moment? What is the forecast for the next five and ten years?
  • Who is responsible for bringing in the main salary? Will this change over the next few years?
  • What is our financial goal? (Try to decide on an actual annual sum for which to strive)
  • How do we plan on working together to achieve this goal?
  • How much does each of us currently spend on food, clothing, accommodation, insurance, vehicles and so on?
  • How will our annual or monthly expenditure on each of these items need to change once we are married? Is this realistic?
  • What hours will each of us need to work?
  • If these hours are unusual (very long or during the night, for example), is the other one happy with this arrangement?
  • Is there any way that one of us could stay at home if the need or desire arose?
  • Are we each happy with the other’s level of ambition?
  • Are we, as individuals, happy to give love in a physical, emotional and sexual way?
  • Can my partner feel that I love him or her when we are having sex?
  • Am I happy with how often we have sex?
  • When I feel that we are having too much or too little sex, does my partner react in a way that satisfies me?
  • How long is too long without sex? Do we both agree on this?
  • Who will buy the groceries and, therefore, decide what we eat?
  • Will we eat meals together? Which ones?
  • Who will prepare meals and clean up afterwards?
  • Are we happy with the eating, health and wellness habits of the other? (e.g. does he exercise enough? Is she smoking too much?)
  • How much will my family feature in the marriage?
  • How often will we visit our respective families? Will we do this together as a couple?
  • Will relatives that live further afield be invited to come and stay with us? For how long?
  • Do we both feel the same about whether to have children and do we agree on how many we want?
  • When will we start trying to have a family?
  • What religion will our children be taught?
  • What kind of relationship do we want our children to have with our own parents and the parents of each other?
  • Will one of us stay at home when we start a family?
  • Do we like one another’s friends enough not to interfere with their relationships?
  • Will we want to become more involved in our community or circles of friends? Or do we need to cut back on social commitments to spend time with one another?
  • Will we share the same religion? If not, are we completely happy with and respectful of the religious affiliation of our partner?

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