Homeopathic Chill Pills
Have you become a foreigner in your own body? Or worse, are you recognising annoying habits that belong to your mother? Are flowers (the wrong colour), invitations (not sent) and churches (full of people) a regular theme in your nightmares? There is something about planning a wedding that brings out the dark side in a person. Your alter ego takes over your existence, fusses over the particular hue of the edge of the rose petal, agonises over the perfect balance of tastes on the menu and gives due consideration to who will be the lucky person sitting next to Aunt Annie.
In that magical moment of conception that bestowed upon you the double X chromosome, a tacit contract was signed, a right was passed down, a belief embedded that your wedding day would be “your day”. As insistent as your instinct to breathe, you cling to this notion.
Enter your mother-in-law-unto-herself who, it seems, is the perfect representation of what you are not. If you like sleek, minimalist designs and lines, she prefers the bigger-is-better vibe. Whereas you prefer the softer pastel colours, she insists on the bolder look (in a colour you have only seen in a hospital).
You lighter. She darker.
You up. She down.
You big. She small.
It’s You versus She.
Doesn’t She realise it’s “your day” to be done in your way?
But I’m getting ahead of myself, here. Breathe. This is about how to handle the stress of getting married, without a doctor’s prescription or being admitted.
The remedies listed are a self-help guide to ease the stress of planning a wedding. They, in no way, should replace a decent wedding planner/ florist/ bridesmaid. Once the remedy has done its job, which may be after a single dose, there is no need to continue taking it. Besides, you have more important issues to deal with.
- You are being irrational and you know it (You haven’t had a tantrum like that since the terrible twos)
- The slightest deviation from your “ideal wedding” induces comfort-eating.
- You are having difficulty realising that “your day” might not be exactly the way you’ve been visualising it for the last 15 years.
- There has been some sort of disappointment (anything from flowers being out of season to a postponement) and have a lump in your throat but can’t cry
You need: Ignatia
- You are dissolving into a bucket of tears at a moment’s notice (in public!)
- You are overwhelmed by the responsibility of attending to the details of the wedding and have moved into “pleaser” mode …you agree to canary yellow as your wedding colour (She: 1. You: 0).
- You realise that you would much rather have lilac and diplomatically try to reverse your decision, but then feel bad, making you look indecisive (She:2. You: 0).
- More tears. Where do you find them these days?
You need: Pulsatilla
- You still can’t believe it’s really happening (Everyone agrees: you’ve been high on a happy vibe for too long)
- You are so excited you can’t sleep: you have mentally twirled the ribbon of your choice around the invitations (She:2 You:1), visualised the look and feel of the venue as you enter it and created a play-list, all from the comfort of your imagination.
- You are hypersensitive to every sound and can’t doze off because of the annoyance created by the dog barking 36 light years away.
You need: Coffea crudum
- You are in a demanding job that is competing with the time you would like to devote to details pertaining to “your day”
- You have explosive anger outbursts
- You are drinking way too much coffee to keep going and a glass of wine to wind down.
- You can’t sleep at night because you are so wound up. You wake at 3am but manage to have a quick nap before the alarm wakes you up rendering you absolutely exhausted (and in need of a strong cup of coffee)
- You have a spreadsheet for the guest list and have calculated the probability of Aunt Annie not coming to the wedding.
- You are a perfectionist by nature and this is just going to be another perfect day.
You need: Nux Vomica
- You are experiencing a feeling reminiscent of exams: anxiety, fear of messing up and anticipation.
- You constantly need to go to the loo.
- Your latest obsession is about getting to the hairdresser/make-up artist/church on time.
You need: Gelsemium (preferable as you wake up on your wedding day)
- You are a commitment-phobe by nature and are wondering if this man is really “it” (yes, woman are afflicted by this, too)
- You’ve become argumentative and criticism is not going down well
- You are aware that you are going to be on stage for the entire duration of “your day” and find this nerve-wrecking.
- Or worse, you really are going to brace the podium and say a few words (despite the fact that giving speeches is not your strong point)
You need: Lycopodium
- You are overdosing on sugar and its making you bloat
- Thoughts of you walking down the aisle, in front of all those people, trigger an instant bowel movement
- You are constantly excited, anxious and in a hurry.
- You are preoccupied with thoughts of something going horribly wrong (an accident on the way to the church, a hurricane as you arrive, load-shedding as you cut the cake)
You need: Argentum Nitricum
Photo Credit: www.dynamis.edu