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The pre-wedding jitters, also known as “cold feet”, are a very common symptom of the excitement and nervousness that builds as your wedding day looms. These are usually normal and should not be a cause for concern. However, there are some cases in which warning signs need to be heeded. These may even call for you to postpone or cancel the big day. These include:

  • Physical abuse (of you or your children)
  • Emotional abuse (of you or your children)
  • Sexual abuse (of you or your children)
  • Addiction to drugs or alcohol
  • Chronic and / or irresponsible gambling
  • Stealing
  • Cheating
  • Lying
  • Religious conflicts that cannot be resolved
  • Different plans for having children
  • You discover a sexual tendency (such as bisexuality) that you were not previously aware of
  • Irresponsible and selfish use of joint money

The following reactions or feelings are normal responses to cold feet:

  • Lack of sex drive – Do not panic about this sudden drop in libido, it is not a sign that you no longer find your fiancé attractive. Rather, it is simply your body’s reaction to the stress of wedding planning. Wait till the honeymoon and your faith in your lust factor will be restored.
  • Sensitivity – Snapping at one another over minor issues may seem like the end of the world when you are anticipating a lifetime of this behaviour. However, stress can do this to you. Be mindful that this sensitivity can lead to feelings of insecurity and neediness, so try to oblige your partner if they are feeling the need for a little reassurance.
  • Lack of patience – Juggling wedding planning, family issues, the usual work stresses and a sensitive fiancé can lead to a severe shortage of patience, even at seemingly unimportant things. Try to remember where the frustration is coming from and not to overreact. In addition, speak about the way you are feeling with your partner so that they do not misunderstand this behaviour to mean that you no longer want to marry them.
  • General state of panic – If you find yourself having heart palpitations, sweaty palms, shaky hands and a lack of appetite, especially as the day draws closer, this is normal, albeit not very healthy for you.

To combat such unpleasant feeling of stress and panic, try the following:

  • Realise that this is normal and does not mean your marriage is doomed.
  • Write down the things making you nervous. This will put things into perspective for you and will make the situation a lot more approachable. Then, make a list of the reasons you want to marry this person. This will remind you of your love and commitment.
  • Communicate with your fiancé about the way you are feeling and why. They will likely feel relieved if they are experiencing similar feelings.
  • Speak openly with a friend who recently wed to gauge whether your feelings are similar and, therefore, normal.
  • Look through your favourite photographs of you as a couple and remember those good times to deepen your appreciation and excitement.
  • Spend a weekend away together and do not mention the wedding at all.
  • Visit happily married couples and ask them about their secrets of success.

Photo Credit: www.ourweddingstorynigeria.com

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